For Always and Forever?
by Jo7
Summary: A Carby fic revolving around the possibility of their children being bipolar. Please R&R. ***Final chapter has now been added***
1. Chapter 1

PART ONE-  
  
"Tell me we're going to be okay."  
  
He looked into the eyes of the woman in front of him, and lowered his lips onto hers, kissing her gently. He pulled away, and gazed at her. Yes, she was what he wanted, who he wanted. He'd been a fool to not realise it before.  
  
"We're going to be okay. We are going to be okay."  
  
She looked up into the eyes of the man before her, replaying in her mind the kiss. She wanted more, she wanted to feel his lips against hers again. She didn't want to be his friend, she realised, she wanted everyone to know what she felt for him. And she wished that her lips were still pressed against his, that she could still feel his hands cradling the sides of her face. And then it dawned on her. This man she was fantasising about was standing in front of her, so close to her. She didn't have to dream about kissing him, she could.  
  
Should he kiss her again? Or should he pull away and pretend nothing had happened? He looked over her beautiful face, so sure of what he wanted, and wishing he could read her mind and find out her own feelings. He knew the answer when he again felt her lips against his, this time more passionate than before. This was right, and he knew that nothing would ever separate them again.  
  
*** "Carter!" Doctor John Carter stopped in his tracks, and turned slowly. Kerry Weaver: his eternal nightmare. She had soon caught up, and was standing next to him in the corridor. "Susan just called in- she's not going to be able to make it today. I need you to cover."  
  
"Oh no," he raised his hands up in protest. "I'm off in fifteen minutes, and I'm not staying any longer than that."  
  
"Carter, if you want to keep your job at County, you'll pull a double shift," her eyes bored into him, daring him to refuse.  
  
"What about Kovac? Kovac can do a double."  
  
"Doctor Kovac is visiting friends today. He took the time off weeks ago."  
  
"It's not Doctor Kovac's anniversary though, is it?" He stared at the woman before him. Just let me go home to my girlfriend, you.no, it's not her fault, I shouldn't think that about her.  
  
"I'm sorry John, I wouldn't have asked you if I didn't have to."  
  
"There's been an RTA on the freeway, ETA five minutes," Chuny said, interrupting them. "We've got two major, seven minor."  
  
"We'll be right there," Carter told her, before turning back to Kerry. "I'll stay, but you can explain to Abby why I wasn't home on the evening of our first anniversary."  
  
"There will be other anniversaries."  
  
"Not first anniversaries." He turned and walked away from her, making his way towards the ambulance bay to pick up the first patient to arrive.  
  
*** "Where is he?" Abby mumbled to herself, getting up and walking over to the mirror to check her make up. They were supposed to be going out for their anniversary. Their first anniversary. It was one whole year since the lockdown, and things had gone from good to unimaginable. She smiled to herself, remembering all the things that had happened in the last year.  
  
"And what are you looking so pleased about?" Abby turned at the voice of Millicent, John's Gamma.  
  
"I was just thinking about John." She'd grown quite close to Millicent, and she was obviously approved of. "And wondering where the hell he is."  
  
"He'll be here, dear. You know he will- he always turns up in the end, everything always turns out fine." Abby nodded her head. It was true. He could never do anything simply, but it always turned out right in the end. "And that's what you love him for, isn't it dear?" Abby smiled- Millicent always seemed to be able to tell what she was thinking or feeling.  
  
Just then a butler entered with the phone. "It's for you miss," he said, handing it to her. She quickly took it and put it to her ear.  
  
"John?"  
  
"Abby, it's Haleh."  
  
"Oh my goodness, what's happened? Is he alright?" She could feel tears beginning to well up in her eyes. He had to be okay, she couldn't lose him, not now.  
  
"He's fine." She slowly let out the breath she hadn't known she'd been holding. "There's been a major RTA, we need you down here now."  
  
"Now?!" she exclaimed. So much for a quiet meal with her boyfriend.  
  
"Just get down here Abby." With the Haleh hung the phone up, not allowing Abby to refuse to come down.  
  
"I have to go to the hospital," she explained, turning to Millicent. "There's been a major RTA, and they're understaffed."  
  
"I'll get the butler to drive you."  
  
"Oh no, I'll make my own way." This was the one thing she couldn't stand about living in the Carter house, all the people to do everything for you. And the insistence of the eldest Carter that you use what was provided. Sometimes it was nice to have a break from the life of the rich. She realised now that that must have been one of the reasons that Carter had become a doctor, to allow himself to get away from this house, and way of life, for even a part of each day.  
  
*** "Wow, Abby, you look nice. You going somewhere posh, or is it just tradition to dress for dinner at the Carter house?" Chuny laughed as Abby walked into trauma room one. She ignored the comment, and grabbed some gloves, glancing at Carter as she did so.  
  
"What have we got?" she asked him.  
  
"Adult male, mid thirties, penetrating wound to the left chest, we think it might have penetrated his heart. We're attempting to stabilise him, before sending him up to the OR. And we may still get away in time for dinner."  
  
*** Carter sighed as he watched Abby leave the trauma room next door, throwing her gloves down on the floor. Losing patients was the part of the job that you never got used to. He stepped back from his own patient, as Romano and a nurse took the gurney from the room, ready to operate. That was it for tonight. At least he hoped it was. What had originally been a relatively small RTA with two cars had turned into a full blown disaster, created by people on cell phones driving into the already crashed cars, and drivers on the other side of the road rubber-necking. Nothing was ever simple in Chicago.  
  
He left the room, and after seeing that Abby wasn't around the admit desk, made his way to the stairs. He knew exactly where she'd be.  
  
*** "Hard evening?" Carter asked, emerging onto the roof. It was a stupid question, he knew, but one that would hopefully start a conversation.  
  
"I guess you could say that." She didn't turn around to see him, but continued to look out over Chicago. "It seems so unfair, that some people get to be happy, and others have their whole lives torn away from them." A tear trickled down her cheek, and John stepped closer, wrapping his arms around her waist.  
  
"That's how life goes Abby, someone has to draw the short straw."  
  
"And then people lose more because of losing one person. Families are pulled apart because of illness, people die without being able to let their loved ones know exactly what they feel for them." She wiped away the tear from her cheek, and turned to face him. "John, promise we we'll never let that happen to us. No matter what happens, don't let us be like those people who lose everything because of one thing."  
  
"I promise. Didn't I tell you a year ago, we're going to be okay?" He leant down, brushing his lips against hers, remembering the moment that this was echoing, which seemed so long ago.  
  
"I love you John."  
  
*** Abby and Carter walked through the ER, hand in hand, both ready to get out of the place as quickly as possible.  
  
"Some anniversary," Abby said, sighing.  
  
"Hey, at least we got to spend some of it together."  
  
"In the ER? Wasn't exactly what I had planned." He laughed as they walked through the front doors of the hospital, and out into the taxi rank.  
  
"Well, according to my watch we still have an hour and a half of it left, so I say we make the most of it." He pulled her close to him as they stood waiting for a taxi, and they stood in companionable silence for a while, before John spoke again. "Abby."  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"You know what you were talking about on the roof?"  
  
"Yeah?" she turned slightly in his arms so that she could see his face.  
  
"There is one way we could show how much we mean to each other."  
  
"John, I know it's our anniversary, but I'm too tired right now."  
  
"I didn't mean that," he cut her off, laughing. "I meant.umm.well, I hadn't planned this so I don't have a ring or anything, but.we could always get married?" Abby pulled away from him now, turning so that she was stood facing him.  
  
"Is this you proposing?" she asked, and from the solemn look on her face he worried that he'd done the wrong thing.  
  
"I guess so." Her solemn face broke out into a smile, and she couldn't help but throw herself into his arms, laughing. "Is this you saying yes?"  
  
"I guess so."  
  
*** 


	2. Chapter 2

(Thanks for all the lovely feedback to the first part of this, I really appreciate it. Makes me want to continue. I'm back from my holiday, I have a computer, a cup of coffee next to me, and so here's the second part- I hope you all enjoy it. I've been told by a friend that the gap between the first part and this one is too great, and I should show the wedding. However the wedding isn't the main point of this story and I want to get onto the main story. This starts that off a little. The first chapter was just to start it off, and I hope that worked okay. Sorry that there's no wedding- but I'm sure you all have imaginations. ;))  
  
PART 2-  
  
Abby Carter rolled over in bed and watched her handsome husband sleeping. He looked so adorably cute when he slept. His short hair was all rustled, and his nose always seemed to twitch in a strange, childish way when he slept. She'd never tire of watching him sleep, Abby though. It was like an addiction to her, she found herself thinking. She knew for sure that she couldn't manage without him, and if anything ever happened that meant he wasn't around her anymore she'd probably suffer withdrawal symptoms.  
  
Addiction. Perhaps that wasn't a very appropriate analogy, for either of them. Their addictions were in the past, they should be looking to the future: a future together.  
  
Thinking about the future always got her thinking about certain things. Would she and John always be together? That didn't require much thinking: her heart told her that in life nothing would be able to separate them. What would she do with her life, career-wise? She was quite happy as a nurse right now, but would she ever want something else, wasn't to restart her training as a doctor, for example? She doubted that very much: the whole issue was of her medical training was something to do with Richard. Something that she'd rather forget.  
  
Most of all, thinking about the future got her thinking about children. Would she and John ever have any? Did he even want kids? She couldn't be sure about that, but she hoped he did. Then, of course, there was the possibility of any of her children being bipolar, a possibility that upset her just thinking about it. She didn't think she could cope with her mother all over again, and the thought of what it would do to her marriage was too much. There was no question about whether she'd love a child with bipolar disorder: it would be impossible not to love something which was the result of her and John's love for each other. But she couldn't inflict something like bipolar disorder on a child, could she?  
  
There were so many things that had to be taken into account when thinking about children. She'd always known it wasn't an easy decision to be made. She knew from experience what it was like. But this time was different: she was married to John, not Richard. She decided that when John woke up she'd discuss it with him. I would hopefully take a load off her mind.  
  
*** The first thing John Carter saw when he woke up was the face of his wife. As always he was amazed at how lucky he was to be able to wake up next to this woman. She smiled at him, her eyes fixed on his face, and he knew instinctively that she'd been watching him sleep. He couldn't blame her: he often watched her in the same fashion. He returned her smile, and reached out to push a lock of hair out of her eyes.  
  
"Good morning," he said, eyes still transfixed on her beautiful face.  
  
"Good morning to you too; I was just about to wake you." At his questioning look, she explained. "I was feeling deserted by my husband," she said, a laughing gleam in her eyes. "That, and I know that he needs to be at work in an hour and a half!" John groaned, and rolled over to look at the clock: it was true, he had an hour and a half until his shift started. Not that he'd ever doubt that Abby was telling him the truth. I took half an hour to get to County General, so he had an hour. He leant across and gave Abby a kiss on the forehead, before forcing himself to get up and make his way to the bathroom for a shower.  
  
*** Twenty minutes later when John emerged from the bathroom fully dressed, having showered and shaved, he found Abby and breakfast awaiting him in the kitchen. He could immediately tell that she wanted to talk to him. Abby was most definitely not a morning person, and her being out of bed and dressed before he left for an early shift when she wasn't working was exceedingly unusual. Add to that the fact that she'd been awake before him, and he knew something was on her mind.  
  
Deciding to let her take her own time in bringing up whatever she wanted to discuss, he pulled a chair out from under the kitchen table, and sat down next to Abby who was munching on a piece of toast. She pushed a plate of toast towards him, and he took a piece, buttering it and reaching for the jam. He could tell by the way Abby was sitting that she wanted to talk, but wasn't quite sure how to start off the conversation. He decided to give her a helping hand.  
  
"You're up bright and early," he commented casually. "Something on your mind?"  
  
"Do I have to keep to a." she started, but thought better of it. "Actually, there was something I wanted to talk to you about."  
  
"Go ahead," he said, swallowing a mouthful of toast. She looked down at her hands, and twisted her wedding ring around on her finger. He noticed this, and reached out, taking her hand in his. "Hey, don't be scared about talking to me. You're my wife and I love you. And I promise that I won't think anything differently of you, whatever you say." He made eye contact with her, communicating more effectively what he'd just said. She nodded, showing her understanding, before beginning to speak.  
  
"I've been thinking a lot about the future recently. Our future, to be exact. There are so many things to think about, and one of those things to think about it." Here she paused, taking a deep breath. "Is kids." She seemed to relax, having finally said the word. John, too, seemed to relax, having worried for a moment that his was seriously ill, or something.  
  
"Yes, that is something we have to think about."  
  
"Do you want kids?" she asked, seeming to have regained her typical confidence.  
  
"Yes, I suppose I would like kids some day," he answered, without having to really think about it. Abby smiled, relief obvious on her face. "Hang on," John said, suddenly realising something, "this isn't you trying to tell me that you're pregnant, is it?"  
  
A small laugh escaped Abby's lips. "No," she said, laughing a little more. He breather a sigh of relief, and she smiled at him. Her smile faded as she remembered a conversation she'd have with her mother, and something important they needed to discuss about children.  
  
"Why can't you become a doctor?" "Well that one's a little difficult." "Why couldn't you get married?" "I was married." "Why couldn't you get pregnant?" "I was pregnant." . "You're not bipolar." "I know, but my kids could be."  
  
"Abby?" he husband's voice brought her away from her thoughts. "Is something wrong?"  
  
"You remember Maggie?" she asked, knowing her would. He nodded. "Well, they think bipolar disorder is hereditary, these psychological experts, and."  
  
"Abby," he interrupted her. "You are not bipolar, there would have been signs of it by now if you were."  
  
"Oh I know," she said quickly. "It's not me I was thinking of. John, my kids could be bipolar. I don't know if I could cope with it all over again, and I don't want to push that sort of thing onto you. It wouldn't be fair on you, and it wouldn't be fair on the child. Do you understand what I mean, John?"  
  
"I understand why you're worried, but haven't I always told you that 'we're going to be okay'? Abby, any child would be a sign of our love for each other, I could never not love it, no matter what that child was like." She smiled half-heartedly, noticing that John's words had just reflected her earlier thoughts.  
  
"You're right, as always. We can't deny ourselves a 'proper' family, which we both want, just because they could inherit a psychological condition." John reached out towards her, and pulled her into a hug. "I'm sorry John, I shouldn't have worried about it. I suppose I underestimated you, in some ways."  
  
"No apology's necessary, you had a completely legitimate worry. Just forget about it now, yeah? We'll leave the worrying for if anything does happen, which I'm sure we don't even need to think about." He kissed her gently in the lips, and then got up to continue getting ready for work.  
  
"We're going to be okay, huh?" Abby said, smiling once again, as he cleared away his plate.  
  
***  
  
(There may be another part tomorrow (Tuesday). I haven't written it yet, but I'm trying to get it done before I go away again. If I do it, you'll get it. Otherwise, you're going to have to have another long wait. I'm sorry, I started this fic at a bad time I guess. But holiday does mean the possibility of having time to write. So maybe there will be a bit more when I get back.) 


	3. Chapter 3

(Sorry this has been so long in coming. As I said before, I've been on holiday. I know I said I'd try to get it up before I went, and I did try- this chapter was half written before I went. Unfortunately, I had to do a thing called packing, otherwise I would have finished! I wrote the rest of this part whilst I was on holiday. I hope it's worth the wait. Hopefully Harry comes across right, and my explanations of some things in the second half of this part aren't too boring- I'm not sure if that bit's too listy. Let me know! Thanks to everyone who's posted feedback to this so far- you've mad me want to carry on, thank you!)  
  
"Mum, look at that, don't you think that's so exciting? That kid must be so big to be able to go all the way up there, right to the top," Harry enthused, pointing to the top of the climbing frame in the park. "I'm going to be big like that one day, and I'll go right to the top, and I'll be able to see the whole world. And Mummy, is Jessie big enough to go up there? Jessie's a big girl, isn't she? And I'm a big boy, but I'm not big enough to go up on the top of the big climbing frame yet. One day I will be though, won't I Mummy? Because everybody grows bigger. Unless they die, which is really sad, but I'm not going to die, I'm going to grow up big and tall and strong like Daddy. And I'm gonna be real clever too, and get into a really clever school, and be the top of my class." The five-year-old paused to finally take a breath, allowing his mother to get a word in.  
  
"Harry, calm down. It's just a climbing frame, you can go on the smaller one. Stop getting so excited over nothing," Abby said, trying to hold her temper. The child wore her out sometimes.  
  
"Okay Mummy, I was saying that when I'm bigger I will be able to go on it. Weren't you ever excited about being able to do things that bigger people did when you were little?" He didn't wait for an answer. "I bet you were. Little people get excited, and everyone's little sometime. Everyone, even you and Daddy. But I know you and Daddy were little, because you can be real nice to me and Jess, and so you must know what it's like to be a kid. Even Dr. Weaver was a kid once; she has to have been. But I don't think she was. I think she was a monster who came from another planet, and was never little. She's too horrible to have been little. Nobody likes Dr. Weaver, do they Mummy? She's not nice to a single person, she just tells everyone off, and doesn't let them do things the way they want to either. Do you like Dr. Weaver? I know Daddy doesn't, I heard him saying to Auntie Susan one time. He said some really horrible things about Dr. Weaver. Mummy, how can you tell me off for saying horrible things about people when Daddy says horrible things too? I think Daddy's a very bad person, for being like that. Jess told me that that makes him a hippie-o-crit. Is that a really bad thing, Mummy? Is that something I can call people when we're arguing? I think that would be really cool, if next time Jess is horrid to me I could go 'Jess, you are such a hippie-o-crit. Just shut up.' Don't you think Mum? I do, it would sound so good, and she'd be so surprised that I remembered the big word, and."  
  
"That's enough, Harry," Abby interrupted. "Don't say such horrible things about people. If I hear you saying things like that again you are going to be in big trouble."  
  
"Very big trouble?"  
  
"Very big trouble," she confirmed. "Now go and play in the playground, and try to be nice, and keep that mouth of yours shut for once." He nodded, making a zipping motion across his mouth, and running towards the play area. Abby walked towards the nearest bench and sat down to watch her son play. He was very hyperactive sometimes, and she worried that one day it would get him into trouble. She hoped it was just a phase that he'd grow out of. He'd just say things about people that he definitely shouldn't, and not even seem to realise what he was rambling on about. The rest of the family couldn't get a word in edgeways, and she found it irritating. It also irritated her that she didn't seem to be able to control her five-year- old. His eight-year-old sister, Jessica, was a completely different matter. She was generally quiet and polite, seeming to be totally adorable to anyone who met her. Of course, Abby and John knew the real Jess, but that was still much easier to manage than Harry.  
  
A flash of red on the top of the big climbing frame suddenly caught her eye. She wasn't sure why it should, since any number of children could have jackets that colour. Never the less, she looked up, only to find Harry sat on the top. She leapt out of her seat and charged across the playground. "Harry!" she screamed, certain he was going to fall. He turned around to look at her, and took one hand off the bars to wave at her. "No, Harry, hold on tight!" her voice was now filled with anxiety. What if he fell? "Harry, can you get down? Please, sweetie, get down."  
  
"I can see everything up here Mummy! It's so great, I'm going to come up here every time I go to the park. I can see right the way to the duck pond! Come up and see Mum." He didn't seem to notice his mother's worry, and just continued to sit at the top.  
  
"Harry," she called, trying once again. "Please, just get down."  
  
"Why, are we going? Where are we going Mummy? Can we go to see Daddy at work? They might need your help too, like they sometimes do when they have an emergency. I could sit in the Doctor's Lounge, and I could look at some pictures, and play with Daddy's stethoscope. Can I, Mummy, can I?"  
  
Abby didn't see any other choice. "Get down and we'll have to see."  
  
"Yay!" Harry cried, and jumped down off the climbing frame. Right from the top, all the way to the floor. Abby let out a scream, and rushed towards the child bundled up on the floor. When she reached him she found he was curled up in a ball laughing. "That was fun, Mum." She breathed a sigh of relief, before grabbing his arm and hauling him to his feet.  
  
"Come on young man, we're going before you get into anymore trouble."  
  
"Did you see me Mum? I was up so high, and then I jumped right to the floor, and it was so much fun! And see, I didn't hurt myself one bit. I don't think anyone else could have done that as well as me. Are you proud of me Mummy? Huh, are you?" Abby tried her best to block her son's ramblings out of her head, and focused all of her energy on getting him to the car which was at the other end of the park.  
  
*** Abby flopped down onto the sofa, exhausted. For once she couldn't wait for her shift tomorrow: it meant a chance to get away for Harry and his youthful enthusiasm. It was more than just enthusiasm. He was downright crazy, and she could have sworn the child had the ability to not breath for several minutes. That was what it seemed like when he was talking, anyway. Both children were now in bed, and she had a chance to relax. John would be home in an hour, so she could finally relax properly. She hadn't seen him since her short visit to the ER with Harry earlier in the day, and she was in desperate need of a happiness boost. Feeling guilty for bribing Harry with the possibility of a 'trip to see Daddy,' she'd taken him to County General. They only popped in for long enough to say hi, and time for her to have a quick kiss with John. Then they'd gone across to Doc Magoo's for some chips, before going to pick Jessica up from her friend's house. Harry hadn't stopped talking the whole time, and she was about ready to strangle the child by the time he went to bed. She'd battled with him for over an hour before he finally went to sleep. He'd insisted he wasn't tired, and no matter what she tried he just wouldn't get into bed. She was grateful to Jess, who'd thought to tell him that if you didn't go to bed by a certain time you didn't get to have dreams. It was a lie, and she'd always taught Jess not to lie, but this one time she decided to let it go.  
  
Just then, the phone rang. She groaned, and forced herself out of the sofa where she'd been quite comfortable. Snatching the phone off the hook, she tried to muster her nicest, friendliest voice, and said "Hello?"  
  
"Hi Abby. It's Eric," the voice of her younger brother came through the phone. She immediately knew something was wrong. Eric never rang 'just to chat.'  
  
"What's wrong?" she decided to cut to the point.  
  
"It's Mum." How had she guessed? "She's stopped taking her meds again. I didn't realise, but the other day she had a manic episode. It's the worst I've seen her in ages."  
  
"She goes through good and bad spells Eric, we both know that. Talk to her psychiatrist, she may be able to change the medication."  
  
"Abby, it can't keep on like this. She's not safe when she doesn't take her meds. When I came home from work on Tuesday she'd completely vandalised the living room, and was walking around just playing with a knife."  
  
"On Tuesday? Why didn't you ring me before?" Abby enquired. Sometimes she had no patience for him.  
  
"I thought you'd get cross at her. Decided to let the manic episode pass first." This angered Abby. Of course, he was right. She didn't understand her mother's aversion to meds, and it made her mad when they weren't taken.  
  
"Of course I'm cross at her, she should take the flipping meds." She took a deep breath, trying to stop herself from getting cross with him. This wasn't Eric's fault. "Look, you know the routine Eric. Get her an appointment with the psychiatrist. Until she's back on the meds make sure someone's with her at all times. I'm only a phone call away, so let me know what's going on if there are any developments."  
  
"Thanks Abby," he seemed truly grateful. "I know I didn't need to ring you to know to do that stuff, but it helps."  
  
"Bye Eric."  
  
"Bye." When she heard the dial tone again, she replaced the phone on the hook.  
  
When they were kids, a mother with bipolar disorder was fun. Now, it seemed to be an inconvenience to Abby. She loved her mother dearly, but sometimes it was very difficult. Bipolar disorder could be a family destroyer, she thought, something which no one should be.  
  
"Oh no! Please no!" Abby cried as she leapt towards the bookshelf, and grabbed a book she knew contained information on bipolar disorder. "Not Harry, this can't be happening," she whispered as she flicked to the page she needed: the symptoms of a manic episode. This didn't even bear thinking about, but she had. She looked down at the page and forced herself to read the symptoms. She examined the list, checking Harry off against each thing.  
  
Increased physical and mental activity and energy. Well, you could say that, Abby though. He was certainly very energetic.  
  
Exaggerated optimism and self-confidence. She wasn't really certain on that, he wasn't exactly an over-optimistic child.  
  
Excessive irritability and aggressive behaviour. No, that wasn't Harry. She could quite safely say he was one of the gentlest children she'd ever known.  
  
Decreased need for sleep. Abby's mind travelled to the last few hours, and her inability to get Harry to bed. Was it just normal childish obstinance, or a sign of bipolar disorder?  
  
Inflated sense of self-importance. Harry wasn't like that either. Abby almost let herself think that maybe everything was okay, but then she saw the next symptom on the list.  
  
Racing speech, racing thoughts and flight of ideas. Harry certainly had the ability to babble on endlessly, switching from subject to subject. Today's ramble at the park was certainly proof of that.  
  
Impulsiveness and poor judgement. Abby sighed heavily. Jumping off the top of that climbing frame certainly counted as poor judgement. So did climbing it in the first place actually, she thought.  
  
The last thing on the list was delusions and hallucinations. Certainly not something Harry was having, but Abby knew that that was a symptom of very severe cases; Harry could still be bipolar. She knew that the symptoms varied from person to person, and it was very rare that any one person suffered them all. The probability that Harry could be bipolar scared her more than anything ever had before. No panikcing before she had kids could have prepared her for this.  
  
She put the book down on the table, suddenly realising that her hands were shaking and she had tears rolling down her cheeks. She tried to stop herself from crying, but realised it was useless. And she should be allowed to cry for her baby anyway.  
  
*** Carter opened the front door and walked into the house, relieved to be home after a long shift. Now he could see Abby, and relax for the evening. And tomorrow he had a late shift, so he'd be able to see the kids for most of the day.  
  
He walked into the living room, to find Abby sitting on the sofa watching the news. Coming up behind her, he put his hands on her shoulders, and bent down and kissed her on the top of her head. "Good evening," he whispered. She didn't reply to him, and when she turned around he could see that she'd been crying.  
  
"Abby, whatever's the matter?" he asked, reaching out to hug his wife. She pointed towards the table, where a book lay open. He walked over to it, and read the title of the page: 'symptoms of a manic episode.' He turned round to look at Abby. "What's this all about?"  
  
"Harry," she said, and he could see a tear beginning to slide down her cheek again. He made his way back to the sofa, and sat down, pulling her into his arms.  
  
"You think Harry's bipolar?" She nodded. "Why? I mean, what's happened?" He was scared. He'd always tried to pretend he didn't think there was much risk of the kids being bipolar, because he thought it would reassure Abby. But he was really terrified. Harry was his son, one of the most important people in his life. He'd still have Harry if he was bipolar, but he couldn't help thinking it would be a different Harry.  
  
"Eric rang earlier," Abby started to explain. "Mum's had another manic episode. And I was thinking about her, and I suddenly realised that Harry's symptoms fit with bipolar disorder." She sniffed.  
  
"What symptoms?" he queried. He wasn't sure what she was talking about, he hadn't noticed anything wrong with Harry.  
  
"He's over excited, doesn't seem to need as much sleep as he ought to, he."  
  
"Abby, all five year olds are like that. It's just a stage he's."  
  
"No!" Abby interrupted. "This is different. He's impulsive, has no sense of danger at all. Oh John, what are we going to do?" She wiped a tear from her cheek.  
  
"You need to explain what you mean," he said, hugging her tighter as a reassurance that he was there for her.  
  
"This afternoon he climbed right to the top of the big climbing frame at the park, and then jumped off it, even when I was shouting him to stop."  
  
"Abby, you're being paranoid. All boys of his age are looking for a bit of action, you've got to learn to trust that he's fine. They're both fine." He turned her to look him in the eyes. "Do you understand me?"  
  
"Yes," she began. "No! John, the symptoms match up to those of bipolar disorder. I can't believe that it's just a coincidence." She looked him straight in the eye. "The risk of him being bipolar is."  
  
"Minimal," he cut her off. "Remember what we found out? 15% chance that they're each bipolar.  
  
"That's 15% too much," Abby sniffed. "Please John, just let me have him checked out. What's the harm in that if you think he's fine?" John looked at his wife's beautiful, distressed face. It was worth it, to make her happy again.  
  
"Yeah," he said, taking her hand. "We'll do it."  
  
*** 


	4. Chapter 4

(well, two days is just a little bit quicker than the two weeks it took me between the last two parts! lol! Hope you enjoy this part. I tried to show some of the slightly medical stuff, without putting too much in- I don't want to overload, and if I put too much I'm sure to get something wrong. I have done a lot of research on this topic, so I hope it's accurate. If you know more than me, and it's not, please let me know, as I want to portray bipolar disorder in the right way. Thanks for all the lovely feedback- keep it coming! XxJoxx)  
  
PART FOUR-  
  
Harry looked warily at his mother. She looked confused, upset, even angry, and she was gripping his hand so tight it was beginning to hurt. He wanted to ask her to let go, but was afraid that she'd get cross at him, so he just bit his lip and put up with it. She hadn't been happy for the last few days. Everything he and Jess did, they got yelled at, he'd seen her crying several times, and she hardly talked to Daddy. When they were both at home at the same time she'd just cry, while he held her in his arms. Harry was only little, and didn't have much experience in life, but he knew that this wasn't right. He'd been brought up in a happy family, with parents who were best friends and did everything together. His life so far had generally been very happy, and he didn't like to see the people he cared about upset. He tried to make Mummy feel better, by keeping out of the way, and trying his best to be good, but it hadn't seemed to work. He'd always thought that because Jess was older she knew more things, but even asking her about the last few days hadn't helped. She was just as confused as him.  
  
Now, he was being dragged along somewhere by Mummy. She was still just as upset as she had been the last few days, but she seemed determined now. She pulled him along, not allowing him to slow down even for a little while. He recognised that they were near the hospital, but wasn't sure why they were there. They couldn't be visiting Daddy, otherwise Mummy would be happier, and he wasn't ill so that couldn't be why they were going. He wanted to ask her, but was again scared at what she might do. He didn't like this Mummy; he wanted his old one back.  
  
Abby tightened her grip on Harry's hand, using it as a way to relieve her fear. She didn't quite realise what she was doing, her mind was so set on setting him to the consultation and finding out what was going on. She was scared, terrified. He was her son, she loved him, and he was bipolar. This was her fault, hers and hers alone. She was irresponsible, stupid. She could tell that Harry was struggling to keep up with her, but she just kept pulling him along with her. This appointment was important, not something they could be late for. She wouldn't be late for it. She'd spent her childhood being late for things, or not turning up because of her mother. She was responsible, she told herself. Not responsible enough to not have kids though.  
  
*** "Susan, could you take over the projectile vomiting in four, I'm going on my break," Carter asked, passing the chart over to her.  
  
"Oh no you don't. Since when did you take a break John Carter? I'm not taking projectile vomiting from you!" she laughed.  
  
"Really, Susan. I'm going on a break." Despite her teasing, he wasn't smiling. John Carter's normal lopsided grin wasn't in evidence. "Just take it, okay?" He was being short with her. They were great friends; he was rarely like that with her. She was one of the few people he'd actually talk to, besides Abby. He shoved the chart into her hands, and started to walk off.  
  
"Wait, Carter!" she called, running after him. She took his arm and stopped him. "What's going on?"  
  
"Nothing, really," he said, trying to pull away from her.  
  
"You can't fool me that easily. I've known you longer than most people here, tell me what's going on."  
  
"I said no, and I mean no." She finally let him go, realising she wasn't going to get anywhere with this. As he walked off he turned back to her. "I'll be on psych with Abby and Harry if I'm needed," he told her, and then entered the lift.  
  
Susan was left standing in the corridor, staring after him. Harry? Surely not. She'd known there was a risk, but hadn't expected anything to come out in such a young child. She looked down at the chart, and made her way to exam room four. Projectile vomiting wasn't so bad after all. It was better than Carter's option.  
  
*** Carter entered the psych department, and spotted Abby and Harry sitting on some chairs in the corridor. He walked over to them, sitting down on a chair. Abby gave him a half-hearted smile, and Harry jumped down off his seat and rushed over to him.  
  
"Hi Daddy!" he said, giving him a big hug. He could tell he wasn't happy, and knew it was because Abby wasn't happy.  
  
"We're just waiting for the consultant," Abby explained, and he reached out to take her hand in his. He squeezed it tightly, trying to reassure her. She squeezed back, and leant her head against his shoulder.  
  
A few minutes later a tall, thin lady with cropped brown hair walked out of a room. She came towards them, asking "Harry Carter?" Abby nodded, motioning towards Harry. "Would you all like to come in, please?" They followed her into a small room, which was decorated in a friendly, homely sort of way. There were comfy chairs, and a coffee table in the middle of the room. To one side was a desk, and the walls were lined with bookshelves. It wasn't at all like the image that you normally got when thinking about psychiatric consultation rooms.  
  
"My name's Dr. Louise Brighton," she began. "Now, what have you come to see me about today?" "I think Harry might be bipolar," Abby explained quickly. Harry turned to look at her, a puzzled expression on his face. Bipolar: wasn't that what Grandma Maggie had?  
  
"Do you have experience with bipolar disorder? Age appropriate actions can quite often be mistaken for symptoms of bipolar disorder."  
  
"My mother's bipolar. I have experience with it, and I know that her being bipolar puts my children in a high-risk category."  
  
"Okay," Louise nodded. "Could you please describe his 'symptoms' to me?"  
  
"He's over excited, talks continually without stopping. He doesn't even seem to be talking about one thing particular, just random thoughts that kind of fall out of his mouth." Louise looked at the quiet, well-behaved child sitting on the sofa between his mother and father. "I can't get him to bed until late, he's too excited. Some of his actions have been stupid, shown poor judgement. He's impulsive, does things that he shouldn't without thinking about it, he."  
  
"Thank you Mrs. Carter, you need not go on," the doctor interrupted.  
  
"But there's more," Abby protested.  
  
"I've heard plenty, thank you." She reached for some papers from her desk. "I'm going to ask you and Harry about a few things now. But before we start, I want to ensure that you know this: the symptoms you've described are more common in adults, children having manic episodes are normally destructive and irritable."  
  
"But it's possible. I know that different people suffer different symptoms. And isn't it true that male sufferers usually begin with a manic episode?"  
  
"Yes, you're right. But at the moment I just want to reassure you that the possibility isn't as great as you fear." Louise had done this many times, tried to convince parents that their child may well be fine. In this case, however, it seemed to be harder. This woman was so obviously convinced that her son was bipolar, there seemed to be little she could do. Except do her job, and find out whether this child's mother's suspicions were correct.  
  
She passed a piece of paper to the man, hoping that she'd get a more accurate answer from him than his wife. "It would help me a lot in my diagnosis if you could fill this in, for Harry. Please try to be as accurate as you can. It's a passage about bipolar disorder, I'd like you to tick after every sentence that you feel describes Harry." He nodded, taking the piece of paper and a pen. "Perhaps you and your wife could go outside and fill it out, while I talk to Harry for a bit?" He nodded, and rose from his seat, taking his wife's hand.  
  
"Harry, will you stay here and talk to Dr. Louise for a while?" The young boy nodded. "Be good, Mummy and Daddy will be back in a minute."  
  
Louise watched the couple leave the room, before turning to Harry, hoping to get some more useful information from the child now that he wasn't under his mother's influence.  
  
*** Abby and John sat next to each other on the chairs, John grasping the piece of paper that may or may not reveal whether their worries were correct. He started to read it aloud, debating points with Abby, trying to make sure it was as accurate as possible. It was something called the 'Bipolar Spectrum Diagnostic Scale' and John couldn't help thinking that maybe Abby, and even him, was answering differently, because she expected Harry to be bipolar, and that maybe this wasn't the most accurate way to find it out. But Dr. Brighton was a psychiatrist, she knew what she was talking about. They had to trust her to make an accurate diagnosis, just like people trusted them every day in the ER to diagnose and treat their family correctly.  
  
*** "Right, I think we should start off by introducing ourselves, shouldn't we?" Louise said, smiling. Harry nodded cautiously. "I'm Dr. Louise Brighton, but you can just call me Louise, okay?" He nodded again. "How about you then?"  
  
"Harry Robert Carter," he whispered quietly. "But I'm just called Harry normally." She smiled at him, trying to be reassuring.  
  
"Okay, Harry. How are you feeling at the moment?"  
  
"What do you mean?" he asked, giving her a puzzled look.  
  
"Are you happy, or sad, or scared, or relieved, or what?"  
  
"Oh. I'm not very happy," he told her.  
  
"And why's that, sweetie?"  
  
"Because my Mummy and Daddy are sad, and Mummy gets cross and upset," Harry explained, trying not to cry.  
  
"Do you know why that is, Harry?"  
  
"It's since I went to the park with Mummy. I jumped off the climbing frame. I think I upset her- it's my fault that she's upset."  
  
"Oh no, Harry, don't blame yourself." She took his small hand in hers, and he smiled at her. "Do you know why you're here?"  
  
"Is it something to do with that bipolar thing?" She nodded. "My Grandma Maggie has that. She makes my Mummy real angry. Is that what's going to happen? Am I going to make Mummy angry?"  
  
"Of course not Harry!" she tried to assure him. A tear started to run down his face, and she passed him a tissue. "Don't you be upset. We're going to find out what's going on so that you're Mummy's happy again. Would that be nice?" He nodded, wiping at his eyes.  
  
"Good. Now, I just need you to answer me a few more questions, and then we'll call Mummy and Daddy back in, okay?"  
  
*** Abby scared at the piece of paper in her hands. The piece of paper saying that Harry wasn't bipolar. She couldn't quite believe it, didn't know how to react. It was brilliant news, but at the same time she was sure that she had been right, and wanted a second opinion. What if he was bipolar, and this Dr. Brighton didn't know what she was talking about?  
  
"Stop worrying about him Abby, he's fine," John said, coming up behind her, as if reading her thoughts. "You had reason to be worried, but you don't anymore. All the tests have come back negative. He's fine." He wrapped his arms around her waist, dropping light kisses along her neck.  
  
"I'm sorry I was so stupid," she apologised, turning in his arms. "I'm sorry for worrying you for no reason."  
  
"Don't be," he kissed her gently on the lips. "You had every reason to be worried. I'm sorry I got cross at you, just for going with your maternal instincts."  
  
"Maybe we should just stop apologising, huh?" she grinned, and kissed him. "Harry's fine, we're fine. Let's just remember that."  
  
*** (Next part isn't written yet, but I know what I want to write. I'm not sure how long it'll take me, but I'll try to get it done soon.) 


	5. Chapter 5

PART FIVE-  
  
"Dad!" Carter turned from his conversation with Jerry at the sound of his daughter's voice. He looked at her and Harry, puzzled.  
  
"Jessie, what are you two doing here?" he asked. Abby wasn't going to be happy about this, she didn't like them coming to the hospital.  
  
"Tara was ill, so she dropped us here." The child minder. He couldn't believe someone could be so stupid. Leaving a ten-year-old to look after her seven-year-old brother, and find her parents was irresponsible.  
  
"Didn't she come in with you or anything?" he asked, concerned.  
  
"No. Why should she?" Jess shrugged.  
  
"Okay, never mind. Let's just find somewhere for you too to go before Mum sees you."  
  
"Why?" Harry asked, still looking around himself in awe. He'd always loved the ER, it seemed so exciting.  
  
"You know she doesn't like you two being here. It's not good for you to be exposed to all the hurt and anger that you'll see here," he explained.  
  
"Oh," he shrugged. "I like it here!"  
  
"Yes, we know that Harry!" he laughed. At that moment, Susan came out of the staff room with her bag, obviously ready to leave. "Susan!" he called, smiling at her. She came up to him, and said hi to Jess and Harry.  
  
"Carter, what do you want?" she said, laughing.  
  
"Err, do you think you can look after these two, take them to Doc Magoo's or something? The child minder let us down, and I can't keep them in the ER. If Abby finds out she'll go mad."  
  
"I'll go mad about what?" Oh dear.  
  
"Abby!" Carter said, smiling at his wife.  
  
"What's going on?" she asked, walking around the desk. "Jess, Harry! What are you doing here?" She turned to her husband. "John, what are they doing here?"  
  
"Tara kind of brought them here. She was ill, and."  
  
"I knew I never should have hired her! There was something about her, I knew she'd do something like this. I told you, didn't I, but you wouldn't listen, she."  
  
"Abby," he interrupted her. "This really isn't the time or the place." She sighed.  
  
"Fine, just sort out these two. I've still got half my shift left."  
  
"Me too. Susan?" he asked, turning back to her.  
  
"Sorry Carter, I can't help. Wish I could, but I'm really busy." She smiled at the kids, before turning to leave. "I'll see you guys soon!"  
  
"Great," Abby sighed.  
  
"We'll just stay," Harry said happily.  
  
"No you won't Harry Carter!" Abby exclaimed.  
  
"Please Mum! It's not for long." he looked up at his mother, his eyes big and wide. She couldn't resist that look.  
  
"Okay, just this once. But never again." She took his hand, and started to lead him to the Doctor's Lounge. "Jess, follow us."  
  
"I see I don't get any choice," she muttered under her breath.  
  
"Come on Jess, it's just a few hours," Carter said, taking her hand and following Abby.  
  
*** Luka sighed as he made his way to the Doctor's Lounge. The shift had been a long one, with no major cases to keep him busy, just a string of increasingly annoying patients. He pushed the door open, and walked straight to his locker. He was going to get out of here as soon as he could.  
  
"Hello Dr. Kovac," a voice came from behind him. He turned around to find the Carter children sitting at the table, Jess reading and Harry drawing a picture.  
  
"Hello," he replied, taking his jacket from the locker.  
  
"Do you want to see my picture?" Harry asked, motioning for Luka to go over to them. He shut his locker door, and walked over to them. "It's of Mummy and Daddy, see?" he pointed out. Luka smiled at him, nodding.  
  
"It's very good. I'm sure your Mummy will like it lots."  
  
"She will. She likes things like this. Daddy does too."  
  
"Of course they do." He turned to Jess. "What are you reading Jess?"  
  
"Something from the reading box at school. It's boring though. I don't get to read the interesting books 'cause I'm not good enough."  
  
"I'm sure you are."  
  
"No, I'm not. The teacher moved me down a box, because I wasn't doing very well. I was moved down to the yellow book in Maths too."  
  
"Oh dear, well hopefully you'll be moved back up soon."  
  
"Dad said it doesn't matter what I do in school, but I know it does. He doesn't like it when I do bad."  
  
"I bet he's proud of whatever you do."  
  
"Maybe," she answered, yawning.  
  
"Did you not get much sleep last night?" Luka asked her.  
  
"I got lots.I went to bed early."  
  
"Oh, how come?"  
  
"She had a real bad tummy ache," Harry said. "She said she just wanted to go to bed, so Mummy let her."  
  
"Ah right. Well, I'd better get going. I'll see you two sometime."  
  
"Bye Dr. Kovac."  
  
"Goodbye Luka."  
  
"Bye Jess, bye Harry."  
  
He left the siblings behind to continue with their previous exercises, and left the ER as quickly as he could. He didn't want to be dragged into a trauma when he was off shift. There was something about Jess that worried him, although he couldn't quite put his finger on it. She just didn't seem completely happy. He knew it couldn't be anything Abby and Carter were doing, they were great with their kids. There was an idea lingering in the back of his mind. He wasn't sure whether to listen to his suspicions, or dismiss it as jealousy that they got to be happy with each other. Perhaps he'd research it when he got home, see what he came up with.  
  
*** (Sorry this has taken a while! I just didn't feel motivated to write it, for some reason. :-/ But it's written now! It's fairly short, and I was actually going to post this with the next chapter as one, but I think I prefer it in two. Just in case it wasn't clear, this is set 2 years after the last chapter. I'm sorry about the jump, I know I do it a lot- hope you find it okay! *g* Thanks for the feedback, keep up with it! xxJoxx) 


	6. Chapter 6

PART SIX-  
  
"Abby, could I have a word with you?" Luka asked, coming up to her at the admit desk.  
  
"Sure Luka, go ahead."  
  
"Yesterday I was talking to Jess and Harry when they were here."  
  
"I hope they didn't keep you when you were off home, they can be a bit talkative," she interrupted, laughing.  
  
"No, it was fine. Jess was talking to me about school, and."  
  
"Abby, Kovac, we need you in Trauma Room 1 now. We've got a triple GSW to the chest," Chuny shouted across the noise of the ER.  
  
"Sorry, can this wait Luka?"  
  
"Sure," he said, nodding. Like he had much choice.  
  
*** "Are you busy?"  
  
"Oh, Luka!" Abby said, looking up from the chart she'd been studying. "No, I was just checking some notes on a patient. It can wait a minute. What were you talking about earlier?"  
  
"Well, some of the things Jess said got me thinking. So when I got home last night I did a bit of research."  
  
"Hmm?" She didn't seem the least bit concerned.  
  
"Whose was the diabetic fit in curtain 3?" Susan asked, coming up to the desk.  
  
"Mine," Luka said. "Why?"  
  
"She's done a runner."  
  
"Oh, great," he sighed. "I'm going to have to go see if she's around. Don't go without talking to me Abby!"  
  
*** "You off in an hour?" Abby asked Carter as she took her coat and bag out of her locker. He nodded. "Well, I'll see you at home. I've got to go pick Jess and Harry up from school."  
  
"Have fun," he said, smiling.  
  
"See you later." She walked up to him, kissing him on the lips, before smiling and leaving the room. As she walked across the ER she pulled her coat on, smiling to herself. She was looking forward to an afternoon with her children and husband, something she hadn't had in a while due to awkward shifts.  
  
"Abby!" Oh great, she thought, having completely forgotten about Luka. She turned to him, trying not to be annoyed at being stopped. "Are you off?"  
  
"Yeah, just going to collect the kids from school."  
  
"Could we finish our conversation quickly before you go?" He walked along next to her as she excited to the ambulance bay.  
  
"Can it wait till tomorrow Luka? It can't be that important if you haven't got to telling me yet, and I really need to get to the school."  
  
"It's important Abby."  
  
"As important as being on time to pick my kids up? I haven't picked them up from school in over a week, and I'm sure the other parents must think I'm."  
  
"I think Jess is bipolar." There: he'd said it. Abby stood staring at him, not quite sure what to say.  
  
"I beg your pardon?"  
  
"I said I think Jess is bipolar." He didn't know what to do now, wasn't sure how to explain to her.  
  
"Why?" she managed to force out.  
  
"She has the symptoms of a depressive episode."  
  
"Jess is not depressed!" Abby exclaimed. "I think I'd be able to tell."  
  
"But it's different in kids Abby. You of all people should know that."  
  
"How different?" she whispered, afraid of his answer.  
  
"Headaches, stomach aches, tiredness, poor performance in school. They're just some of the symptoms," he explained.  
  
"And girls usually start with a depressive episode." She stopped walking, and stared at him, tears welling up in her eyes. "No Luka, this can't be right. It's not happening. Everything with Harry."  
  
"I'm sorry Abby, I thought I should tell you." She nodded, starting to cry.  
  
"Yes, thank you. It's just...I don't know! He reached out to her and took her into his arms, letting her bury her head against his chest and cry. "I can't do this Luka, I can't."  
  
"Ssh, everything will be okay," he whispered, stroking her back to comfort her. "You'll be okay."  
  
*** (Don't worry, it's not turning into a Luby! But this just seemed right, him comforting her. I'll just reassure you that nothing will happen though. *g* Carby forever! Sorry about it being a short part- I'm afraid the next two are too! But then it'll get back to more substantial lengths again, I hope! *g*) 


	7. Chapter 7

PART SEVEN-  
  
Abby- No, this can't be right, surely. Jess is a healthy, happy girl, there's nothing wrong with her. In all her life she's only been to a hospital when she was born, and when she's had to come to work for some reason. She's not one of those sickly children who are always off school with some mysterious ailment, or an accident-prone child with thousands of injuries to tell the story behind. But Bipolar Disorder isn't anything to do with being accident prone, or sickly. It's hereditary. This is my fault. I knew this could happen, I knew the risks behind having children, but I chose to do it anyway. Why?! I've wrecked my daughter's life, just by bringing her into this world. She's ten years old, it's not fair for something like Bipolar Disorder to be inflicted upon a child. Why didn't that stop me from having children? Because I'm an inconsiderate little bitch who only cared about fulfilling her childhood fantasies? That's what I feel like.  
  
How could I not spot it? I saw all the signs in Harry, even though the psychiatrist assures us that he's not bipolar. Why didn't I realise the same things were happening with Jess? It took some ex-boyfriend to tell me that he thought there was something wrong with my daughter. Someone who sees her maybe once a month, at most. What does Luka know, anyway? He hasn't had to grow up with a bipolar mother, and had to cope with both manic episodes and long periods of depression. He doesn't know what it does to a person to be trying to help someone you love, but to have all that help pushed away ungratefully.  
  
Oh Jessie, my baby, please take the meds. You have no idea what it was like to know that my mother could be helped, but refused to take that help. Just don't make me go through that again.  
  
Here I am, talking like this is something certain, like Jess is definitely bipolar I wish I could will her not to be. But somehow I can't help thinking that this is it, hat I've always dreaded is happening for real. John keeps telling me not to worry, of course. He does what he's always done: he kisses me, then looks me in the eye and tells me 'we're going to be okay.' But I can see the doubt in his eyes when he says it now, a doubt that's never been there before. Not even that first time, when we were at risk from smallpox. This is scarier. I know he's so worried about his little girl. He's always been so protective of Jess. Of all of us, actually. And now he's trying to protect me from the fear that I know he too feels.  
  
He knows that I know that he feels that fear. Both of us could always read the other like an open book. Perhaps that's why we're so close, but also why if we fight it's a million times worse than it would normally be.  
  
I wonder if Jess is afraid. Does she even know what's going on? At ten I guess she must. But I don't want my baby to be scared, I want this to be over so that we can forget about it. Banish it from our minds, forget it ever happened, and carry on with our lives. I know that's not going to happen though; I know in my heart that my daughter's bipolar. And yes, that scares me so much.  
  
*** (I know the change from third to first person goes against everything my English teacher ever taught me, but I wanted it this way. I hope it works! I'll post the next part tomorrow, it's already written. Thanks as always for the feedback! xxJoxx) 


	8. Chapter 8

PART EIGHT-  
  
Carter- I can't quite believe this is happening, can't quite take it in. Jessie, bipolar? I keep telling myself there must be some mistake, that Kovac doesn't really know what he's talking about. I tell myself that we've been through all this before, with Harry, and found out there was nothing wrong. Besides, I wasn't this worried about Harry, I think. But that was different. Abby was the one who noticed it, I could push my fear aside saying she was just being paranoid: she's always worried about it, even before we had any kids. This time it was Kovac, I can't kid myself that he only saw it because he was being paranoid. She's not his kid, and he's never had to deal with anyone with bipolar disorder either.  
  
Not that I have. But I've seen what it does to Abby, and I don't like that. I saw her with her mother, the pain that it caused was obvious. And then the whole things with Harry. Until we'd had that consultation, and it was confirmed that he wasn't bipolar, the Abby that I know was gone. She's gone again now, and the thought that the 'real' Abby could be lost is almost as terrifying as the possibility that my daughter has bipolar disorder.  
  
It's so hard, seeing Abby like that. I know she's seeing in her mind all the things her mother's done, except with Jess. And to tell the truth, it's hard not to imagine those things myself. Soon we'll find out the truth, and we can only hope it's good news.  
  
But what if it's not good news? What will that do to us, out little family? I guess that's already happening. Until we find out otherwise, Jess is bipolar. Abby spends her whole time worrying about what's going to happen, and how she's going to cope. Jess can see that her Mum's worried, and I know that upsets her. I try to reassure them both that we're going to be okay, everything's going to be fine. But that's hard when I'm not even sure I believe it myself. Harry. Everyone seems to forget about Harry. The two of them have always fought for attention, and right now he'd not getting it. What sort of father am I, forgetting about my son just because my daughter's ill?  
  
Just like my parents. They weren't there for me because they were so busy grieving over Bobby. At times I don't think they even remembered they had another son. I know they still loved me, but they had a strange way of showing it. They weren't there to praise me when I got a good report at school, or help me out when I'd get in trouble. They weren't there to congratulate me on getting into med. school, or to tell me to keep going when I felt like quitting. They weren't there for me when I was stabbed, when my friend was killed, when I got addicted to drugs. Why? Because Bobby died. I loved my brother, and I miss him, but at times I hate him, because just by dying, he took my parents away from me.  
  
No, I'm not going to be like them. Harry will know he's loved, even if Jess does have bipolar disorder. I'm going to do all the things with Harry that my Dad never did with me. And with Jess. Just because she may have a psychological disorder doesn't mean she can't have dun. I may not know what it was like to have a father after Bobby died, but my kids are going to have one. And a good one at that.  
  
*** 


	9. Chapter 9

(It's been quite a while since I posted, I know. And I'm afraid I don't have an excuse of not having enough time or anything, I just didn't want to write it! I don't want this chapter to happen, but it has to. So I was putting it off as long as I could. But here it is now.Please note, I'm changing Jess' age - according to the other parts she should be 10 here, but I think she ought to be a bit older, so she's now 12. Harry's still 7 at this point. I'm going to go back and change things that refer to her age, but I thought I ought to tell those who have already read those parts! *g*)  
  
PART NINE-  
  
Abby stared at the envelope she held in her hands. It was just a plain brown envelope, with the hospital stamp on the back. Just like the letter they'd had two years ago about Harry. But she couldn't open this one. There was something about it that made her feel insecure. She couldn't explain why, but the envelope just looked like it didn't contain happy news. She turned the envelope over in her hands for the umpteenth time. She was going to open it. She slid her thumb underneath the flap, and.No, she couldn't. She put the envelope back down on the table, and just stared at it.  
  
A firm hand rested on her arm, and she looked up into the eyes of her husband. He was scared too, she could tell. But his look also said 'be strong.' "Abby, we have to open it," he said, sitting down next to her. She nodded: she knew that.  
  
"You open it then," she whispered, pushing the envelope across to him. He shook his head. "John, I'm not doing it." She continued to stare at the envelope, unable to do anything else with it.  
  
"I'm not sure if I can." He, too, started to stare at the envelope. For a few minutes that one brown envelope, addressed to Dr. and Mrs. Carter was the centre of their universes, and nothing else existed.  
  
"Mum? Dad? What are you doing?" a voice asked, coming from the doorway of the kitchen. John was the first to be brought back to the normal world, and looked up at his daughter.  
  
"We just, umm." he paused. "We got a letter Jess."  
  
"Oh, that's nice," she shrugged, walking over to the fruit bowl and picking up an apple. "Is it from anyone nice?" John stared at her, unsure what to say. She looked back at him, puzzled. "What.Oh, that letter." She sighed, and walked over to the table, sitting down opposite her mother. She looked between her parents, seeing their unease. "Have you opened it?" she asked.  
  
"No," Abby managed to answer. "We.we can't."  
  
"What do you mean you can't?" Jess laughed. Sometimes she felt like the only adult in the family. "Mum, look at me. Do I look like I'm having a manic episode?" Abby shook her head. "Dad, do I look like I'm depressed?" John shook his head. "Then what's the problem?"  
  
"Jess, you know those things don't happen all the time."  
  
"Yeah, and I also know I don't feel sick." She reached across the table and picked up the envelope.  
  
"What are you doing Jessie?" John exclaimed, reaching out for the envelope, which she pulled out of his reach.  
  
"I'm reading the letter. If you two won't do it, someone else has to." Abby wanted to tell her not to read other people's mail, but she knew her daughter was right. This was it; they were about to find out.  
  
Jess put her thumb into the hole Abby had made earlier, and slid it along the flap. She pulled a sheet of crisp white paper out of the envelope, and unfolded it slowly. Her eyes skimmed the letter, looking for any indication of the results of the tests. There it was.  
  
Abby twisted a strand of hair around her finger as Jess opened the envelope. She kept hoping that Jess would bottle out, and put the envelope back down. But the piece of paper was removed, and she could see Jess looking through the letter to find the results. There was a reaction, but she couldn't quite tell what it meant. It was a reaction of shock. But was it shock that she was bipolar, or that she wasn't? She couldn't bear not knowing any longer. And yet she didn't want to know. She couldn't ask Jess, so she just looked up and made eye contact with her. Jess' eyes began to fill with tears, and she knew the answer.  
  
"It's positive," Jess choked out. "It's positive." She slowly got up out of the chair, and walked away from the table. "Excuse me, I'm going to my room."  
  
*** As soon as she was in the hallway and out of her parents' sight, Jess started to run. Up the stairs, across the landing, into her bedroom, tears pouring down her cheeks. This wasn't right, it couldn't be happening to her. She felt fine, there was nothing wrong. She threw herself down on the bed, and buried her face in the pillow.  
  
"Jessie?" Harry's voice called her from the doorway. "What's wrong Jessie?" She lifted her head up, and looked at her little brother. He was so lucky, he was fine. She couldn't help herself from being jealous, he was going to have a normal life and she wasn't.  
  
"Nothing." She wiped her eyes, willing herself to be strong.  
  
"You're crying. Something must be wrong." She smiled at him weakly. How stupid of her to think he wouldn't notice. "Jessie, are you." he stopped, scared of what his sister might say to him. "Are you bipolar?" The tears started again, and she nodded.  
  
"The letter just came." Harry walked into the room, and climbed onto the bed next to her, putting his arms around his sister. For a moment she was shocked, unsure what to do. This wasn't like Harry. She started to pull away, but then realised something important. Harry didn't have to be in here, giving her a hug. He could quite legitimately have stayed in his bedroom playing, but he didn't. Her Mum and Dad, who should have been up their hugging her, and comforting her, and telling her it didn't matter and they still loved her, were sat downstairs doing goodness knows what. Her family was screwed up in so many ways, but at that moment she realised how much her baby brother actually meant to her.  
  
*** "What do we do, John?" Abby asked, after a long silence between the pair.  
  
"We book an appointment with the psychiatrist, and get Jess on a medication. And then we carry on with our lives normally," he explained firmly.  
  
"How do you think we're possibly going to carry on normally? We're not a normal family anymore," she exclaimed, feeling the tears welling up in her eyes once again.  
  
"There are medications, Jess can be a perfectly normal child. And she will be, Abby."  
  
"You're making it seem like this is nothing! Do you not care at all?" She couldn't believe he was being like this, shrugging off the consequences of what they'd just discovered.  
  
"Abby, this is turning into an argument." Stay calm John, he thought. Getting annoyed with your wife isn't going to help anyone.  
  
"It's not an argument! I just want to know how you can be so unconcerned about our daughter being ill," she yelled.  
  
"Abby." He kept his voice at a normal level, hoping to reassure her. "I am very concerned. I wish she wasn't bipolar. But she is, and we have to deal with that. And there are ways of dealing with it. She can be treated, she'll be absolutely fine."  
  
"And if she doesn't want to take the meds?" her voice was barely audible now.  
  
"We'll get by." He reached out and took her hand. They sat together in silence for a few moments, until Abby suddenly pushed his hand away.  
  
"How can you say we'll get by? You've met my mother, you've seen what she's like." She was fuming now.  
  
"Jess isn't your mother."  
  
"Yeah, I know. So you're always telling me. But you have to recognise the risk that she won't take them." He sat in silence, not willing to answer her. "Dammit Carter, can't you just admit that you're scared?" He was taken aback by her referring to him as Carter. She never called him Carter, and although years ago that had been normal, now it hurt. Your own wife didn't call you by your surname.  
  
"Excuse me," he whispered. "I'm going to go and talk to Jess."  
  
*** Carter knocked lightly on the door to his daughter's bedroom, not entirely sure what he actually wanted to say top her. When she responded that he could come in, he pushed open the door to see Jess and Harry sitting in the middle of the floor playing Monopoly. He smiled at them, feeling a sudden relief that Jess had seen the necessity to just carry on with life. Sitting down on the floor next to them, he pointed out a good property to Harry.  
  
"That's cheating Dad!" Jess cried, laughing.  
  
"He's littler that you are," he returned.  
  
"I'm not that little!"  
  
"No, but you're littler that Jessie. And anyway, she always wins Monopoly. I'm just evening the odds!"  
  
"Probably won't win now," she laughed, mock sulking. They all laughed, as Jess rolled the dice for her turn.  
  
"Hey, you two got room for another player?"  
  
"Only if he promises not to cheat."  
  
"When do I ever cheat?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at his daughter.  
  
"You say we shouldn't lie, Dad," Jess laughed, smiling at Harry.  
  
"I was twisting the truth."  
  
*** Abby watched her husband leave the kitchen and sighed sadly. What had she done? She hadn't meant to argue, but it had just happen. She and John never argued, and now she felt awful. She just couldn't stop thinking about Jess, and how they'd cope. They wouldn't cope. She knew from experience that it was impossible, and John would try to hard to cope, and ruin everything.  
  
As soon as Jess got on the meds, she'd want to be off them. That wasn't something Abby was willing to contend with. She could push her mother onto her brother, keep her responsibilities to a minimum now that she wasn't living at with them. But Jess was her daughter, they lived together, and she had a responsibility. She didn't see how she could ever do what was needed for Jess. How she could be there, to keep her out of trouble. And how she could explain to people why her daughter wasn't like other peoples'. It was too much for her to cope with, and she wished this could all be a big nightmare. Perhaps it was, things didn't get much worse than this.  
  
She got up from her chair, and filled the kettle. She needed a cup of coffee: that would sort her mind out. As she was waiting for the kettle to boil, she heard the sound of laughter coming from upstairs. How could they be laughing at a time like this? She felt like she'd never be capable of laughing again. John managed things in a different way to her, she knew that. But this was so different to how she felt. Perhaps they'd be better off if she wasn't around to depress them all. It would certainly be easier on her, and she was beginning to see now that it would be easier on John and the kids too.  
  
It was her only option. Leaving the kettle boiling, she hurried up the stairs and into the bedroom which she shared with John. Grabbing a bag from the top of the wardrobe, she stuffed some random clothes into, grabbed a book, and then went into their en-suite bathroom for toiletries. When she was satisfied that she had enough to manage, she zipped the bag up, and went back down the stairs. John was still in Jess' room, doing something with her and Harry. He wasn't missing her right now. Back in the kitchen, she grabbed some money that had been left on the side, took her cell phone, and stuffed them into her back pocket. This was it.  
  
Walking along the hallway she grabbed her house keys off the hook, and then opened the door. As she was about to shut the door behind her she looked at the keys, and turned back into the house and replaced them on the hook. She wouldn't be needing them. Closing the door, she walked out onto the street, and made her way to the El station.  
  
*** "What did I say, Jess always wins monopoly!" John laughed.  
  
"It's just my amazing talent," she grinned.  
  
"You always nick Mayfair and Regent Street, and then put hotels," Harry complained. "The rest of us go bankrupt, it's not fair!"  
  
"That's part of the game!" Jess laughed.  
  
"Still not fair."  
  
"Aww, don't be a sore loser," John said. "Or I'll have to tickle you." Harry didn't move. "Fine, have it your way." He reached out, and grabbed onto his son, tickling him exactly where he knew would be most effective.  
  
"No, Dad!" Harry cried, laughing and screaming at the same time. Jess sat watching, giggling.  
  
"Jess, get his feet."  
  
"No, not the feet.ah!" he laughed loudly, wriggling to get free of his father's grip. When he was eventually free, he quickly moved away to avoid any further torture.  
  
"Right." John got up from the floor and walked towards the door. "Do you two think you can manage to not fight over the monopoly scores while I go talk to Mum?" They both nodded, smiling, and he walked out of the room.  
  
He walked down the stairs, and into the kitchen, expecting to find Abby there. He stuck his head round the door, and when he found she wasn't there, made his way to the living room. "Abby, you there?" he called. No response. He wandered around downstairs, and then went back upstairs. She wasn't in their bedroom, or the bathroom. Looking out the bedroom window to see if she was hanging washing out or something, he saw she wasn't in the garden.  
  
"Abby?" he called again, wondering where she was.  
  
"What is it Dad?" Jess asked, looking round the door into the room. As she was speaking to him he noticed a draw slightly open, nearly emptied. No, it couldn't be.  
  
"Err, nothing," he bluffed. Now he was worried. Why would she do that? Hurrying Jess out of the room, he rushed downstairs and picked up the phone. Susan, she'd go to Susan. He dialled the number, but all he got was the answer phone. "No," he whispered. "No Abby, don't do this to me." But what could he do?  
  
"She's gone, hasn't she?" a voice said from behind him. "Because of me."  
  
*** 


	10. Chapter 10

Wow, this has been a long time.I'm so sorry! I've been gradually writing this part since the last one was posted, but what with school work and everything I haven't had many chances to sit down and just write a big load. But this part's done now! :) Only two more chapters to go after this one! :-o  
  
PART TEN-  
  
Carter stood in front of the mirror, running a hand through his hair, and straightening his tie. He wished Abby was here, to playfully pull on his tie, and then reprimand him for being untidy like she usually did. He hadn't been able to contact her, however. She wasn't staying with Susan, or anyone else likely. He'd tried calling her cell phone, but she either didn't have it or wasn't answering. But they had the same shift today, he just hoped she hadn't changed. If he didn't hear anything from her or about her at work, he knew he'd have to consider contacting the police. That was something he didn't want to have to do, but it may be necessary.  
  
Walking out onto the landing he called to Jess and Harry to come for school, and then made his way downstairs. As he picked his coat up he could hear two pairs of feet clattering down the stairs. They both grabbed their coats and bags, and stood waiting for him at the door. Carter grabbed his keys, and opened the door to let them out.  
  
"Where's Mummy?" Harry asked as they walked to the car.  
  
"I told you last night, she had to go away because of something."  
  
"Oh." He didn't question his father's answer until they were in the car and driving along. "Where's she gone?"  
  
"To stay somewhere."  
  
"But where?" he seemed concerned now.  
  
"You ask too many questions, young man!" Carter tried to joke the real situation away.  
  
"Is she going to come home?"  
  
"Of course she's coming home," he snapped, more forcefully than he'd meant to. This brought the conversation to a sudden end, leaving an awkward silence.  
  
Carter pulled up outside Jess' school, and he finally spoke. "Have a nice day sweetie."  
  
"Do you think you should come talk to the Principal?" she asked, still sitting in her seat.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"They're supposed to know about any medical conditions," she explained, biting on her lip.  
  
"Can it wait till tomorrow?" He didn't want to do this, and he needed time to figure out what to say. "We'll know about the medication by then."  
  
"They should know." He sighed, nodding. "If I have a manic or depressive episode, they need to know what's going on." He couldn't believe this: Jess was being the most grown up about this out of all of them. He opened the car door and stepped out, ready to face the Principal.  
  
*** "Dad, can Mummy pick me up from school?" Harry asked as Carter walked him across the playground to his classroom.  
  
"I don't know Harry. She might not be free."  
  
"Mummy doesn't love us anymore, does she?" he asked, a tear rolling down his cheek. "That's why she left. And she's not gonna come back, is she?"  
  
"Of course she loves us!" Carter stopped and bent down so that he was at his son's level. "She's just a little upset, that's all."  
  
"So she'll come back when she's happy?"  
  
"Yeah, that's it. And she's coming back real soon." He took a hankie out of his pocket and wiped away Harry's tears. "Now you cheer up, and enjoy yourself at school, and we might be able to find some ice cream later."  
  
"Make her happy Daddy," he said, beginning to walk again. "I miss her already. I want my Mummy back."  
  
*** "Abby, could you do some sutures for Carter's patient in curtain four?" Haleh asked, walking past her. Abby quickly looked around her, wondering how she could get out of this. Susan walked past at that moment, so she took the opportunity.  
  
"Hey, Susan, could you use a hand?"  
  
"I could do with a CBC and tox screen on the weirdo in two, if you've got a moment."  
  
"Yeah, sure," she smiled, and then turned to Haleh. "Sorry Haleh, Carter will have to find someone else." Susan led her to curtain two, where she collected the bloods necessary for the tests.  
  
"Abby, are you avoiding Carter?" Susan asked, as they walked back to admit to order the tests.  
  
"No, of course not," she answered firmly, determined not to show any emotion.  
  
"Then why wouldn't you do those sutures that Haleh asked you to do? And earlier you seemed very eager to deal with the projectile vomiting when Carter turned up at admit." Abby shrugged.  
  
"I felt guilty for always avoiding the projectile vomiting."  
  
"You don't fool me that easily." Susan lead her into the Doctor's Lounge, glad to see no one else was in there. "I know you, and I know Carter, and I can tell there's something up. Tell me what's going on Abby."  
  
"Why is something wrong?" She couldn't stop herself from shouting now. "If we spend two seconds apart everyone thinks something's up! I don't have to spend my whole life around him; every second of every day doesn't have to be taken up with 'Carter, Carter, Carter.' I'm perfectly capable of doing things without his guidance, you know." Susan looked at her, unsure of how to respond. There was definitely something wrong.  
  
"Just talk to me about it."  
  
"I think I have some tests to order for your patient," she said coldly, storming out of the Lounge. Susan sank down into a chair. She was worried about her friends, and she wanted to do something to help. But if Abby wasn't going to talk to her, what was there she could do? She didn't know what was happening: all she knew was that something was seriously wrong in the Carter household.  
  
*** "Time of death, 12:34," Carter said, pulling his gloves and gown off. He pushed open the double doors and walked out into admit.  
  
"Hey Carter, how's the GSW doing?" Susan asked, approaching him.  
  
"I just declared him."  
  
"Oh." She paused. "Are you busy? I wanted to talk to you about something."  
  
"Sure, but is it gonna take long? I was hoping to take a break."  
  
"Well, I'm due one too. How about we take our conversation to Doc Magoo's?" He nodded, smiling.  
  
"Sounds good enough to me."  
  
*** "What's going on Carter?" Susan asked bluntly.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You and Abby have been avoiding each other all morning," she explained.  
  
"Well, that's not entirely true," he defended. "Abby's been avoiding me. I've been trying my best to find her!"  
  
"Why?" she enquired, before taking a sip of her coffee. "Did you guys argue?"  
  
"Not exactly."  
  
"No exactly meaning.?"  
  
"She left us."  
  
"She WHAT?" Susan yelled.  
  
"Hey, don't shout it to the whole world."  
  
"But you two are, like, attached at the hip. Abby wouldn't leave you!"  
  
"Yeah, well she did last night." He sighed sadly. They sat in silence, each sipping at their coffee, unsure what to say now.  
  
"Wh.why?" Susan finally asked.  
  
"We got a letter yesterday, telling us that." he stopped, not wanting to say it. No, be strong, he thought to himself. Jess is being strong, so you be strong. "That Jessie's bipolar."  
  
"Oh, Carter." She reached out and took his hand. She didn't know what else to do, or what to say. She couldn't possibly imagine what he was going through right now. "So Abby ran away because Jess is bipolar?"  
  
"She's scared," he defended his wife. She may have left, but he still loved her. "I don't know if she's going to come back. I keep telling myself and the kids that she is, but I don't know."  
  
"If she really wanted to get away, she'd be half way around the world by now. I think it's temporary, Carter." She sighed. "And I know that she loves you just as much as you love her. Which is an awful lot."  
  
"What she's done though.she's left me to cope with this on my own. How can she think I can do this without her? This morning, I had to go in to see Jess' principal, and explain to him that my daughter has bipolar disorder. Something Abby should have been there for. And then I had to reassure Harry that Abby still loves him - he thinks his mother's left him, and I don't think what I said can persuade him otherwise."  
  
"You have to talk to her," Susan squeezed his hand gently. "Don't throw away the best woman you're ever going to get, the only woman you're ever going to love, over this." He smiled sadly at her.  
  
"Yeah. I want my wife back."  
  
*** "Fancy pouring a poor, tired doctor a cup of coffee?" Susan asked, walking into the lounge and seeing Abby with the coffee pot in hand. She nodded, and a few minutes later took a mug over to Susan. "Thanks." She smiled at Abby, getting ready to talk to her. Sitting down on the sofa, she started to talk. "Abby, I'm sorry about Jess."  
  
"What about her?" she said quietly, sipping at her coffee.  
  
"Don't do this Abby."  
  
"What am I doing?"  
  
"I talked to Carter, okay?"  
  
"Oh, that's nice." Susan could say that Abby wasn't going to let her do this the easy way.  
  
"Why did you leave them, Abby?"  
  
"I don't think that's any of your business," she replied, walking over to the sink and pouring the rest of her coffee down the sink, ready to leave. "Anyway, why are you interrogating me today? You really should learn to be less nosy." She made her way to the door, but Susan quickly got up and blocked her path.  
  
"You're scared, I know. I would be too. But Carter's scared as well, and Jessie most certainly is! Can't you see what you're doing to them Abby?"  
  
"I can't be around her Susan, I'll make everything so much worse. Everything with my mother.I always seem to upset her. They'll manage better without me getting in the way."  
  
"You're not in the way, you're her mother!"  
  
"What do you know?" Abby whispered angrily, turning to the lockers since it was obvious Susan wasn't letting her leave.  
  
"Why are you still here then?"  
  
"I beg your pardon?" she turned back towards her, unsure what was meant.  
  
"Why are you still at County, why are you still in Chicago. If you want to leave them, why are you where they can find you?"  
  
"I can't just up and leave."  
  
"But that's what you've done. Why not go the whole way to ensure they're not going to find you, and get themselves 'hurt' some more?"  
  
"I am NOT having this conversation with you," she cried, slamming her locker door open, and randomly rearranging the contents.  
  
"Why not Abby? There must be a reason." Her question was greeted with silence. "Well, if you can't go the whole way, why not go back?"  
  
"Just leave it Susan. I thought you were a good friend, but I guess I was wrong."  
  
"And I thought you loved Carter."  
  
"I do love him. That's why I left." She walked back towards Susan. "Now if you don't mind, I'd like to get back to work." Susan reluctantly stepped aside, sighing. What could she do?  
  
*** "Harry's at football till half four, yeah?" Carter asked Jess as they walked into the doctor's lounge.  
  
"Yeah. He doesn't normally finish till about 20 to five though." He nodded, and motioned for her to sit down on the sofa.  
  
"Orange juice?" She nodded.  
  
"Is Mum around?" she asked, scared of what the answer might be.  
  
"Somewhere. I haven't really seen her today."  
  
"Are you avoiding her?" He shook his head, handing her the glass of orange juice. "She's avoiding you?"  
  
"Yeah, that's about it. Susan tried talking to her, but she just got mad."  
  
"It's all my fault," she whispered, staring into the top of the glass.  
  
"No Jess, it's not."  
  
"It's because of me that she's gone though."  
  
"It's because of her that she's gone. It's none of our faults, it's just the way your Mum is."  
  
"Perhaps she should grow up a bit then," Jess sniffed. "Do you think she's going to come back?" He paused, thinking what to say. "Answer me truthfully Daddy. I want to know the truth."  
  
"Baby, I promise you that I am going to make sure your Mum comes back. Do you understand me?" She nodded, smiling weakly. "I'm going to have to get back to work in a minute, so if you just."  
  
He was interrupted by the sound of the door opening, and they both turned towards it. "Mum!" Jess exclaimed when she saw Abby standing in the doorway. Abby turned around to walk out again, but Carter quickly stopped her.  
  
"Jess, will you give us a minute please?" She nodded, and hurried out of the room, shutting the door behind her. "Are you okay?"  
  
"I'm fine," she replied curtly.  
  
"Where did you go last night, Abby?"  
  
"None of your business."  
  
"I'm your husband, I love you, I think it's my business!" he exclaimed, angry with her.  
  
"In case you hadn't noticed, I left you last night."  
  
"Yeah, kinda hard to miss. Didn't you think about how I'd feel about this? And what about the kids?"  
  
"They'll be fine," she said, shrugging. "Kids bounce back. Just give them a bit of time, it won't matter to them."  
  
"It won't matter? Is that why Jess was just crying, and this morning Harry asked me if his Mum still loves him? Abby, think about what you're doing!"  
  
"I have thought about it."  
  
"No, you've thought about yourself. You haven't given any consideration to how Jess, Harry and I will feel."  
  
"Like I told Susan, and I'm sure she's reported back to you, I'm making things better for you. This way you won't have to manage with me being an awful mother to Jess because I can't cope."  
  
"We just have to manage with losing you?" he snapped. "I made a promise to you Abby, to love you 'til death do us part. And I do! But you made that same promise."  
  
"I do love you. But I thought I'd explained that - that's the reason I'm leaving, because I love all three of you."  
  
"Well, I don't think that's exactly what the wedding vows had in mind," he said quietly. "Look, I booked an appointment to see the psychiatrist tonight, to sort out Jess' medication. It's at 7:20 with Dr. Renolds. Come along."  
  
"I can't John, I can't," she said, sitting down on the sofa.  
  
"Just think about it, okay?" She nodded, and he wrote the details down on a bit of paper that he handed to her. "Look after yourself, okay?"  
  
*** 


	11. Chapter 11

(This is the penultimate chapter. It's quite sad really, to have come to the end of this, I feel like I've been working on it for so long! Maybe I'll start another one, but I'll need an idea first! lol! The next part is written, but I've decided I don't like it so much, so it could do with a little tweaking! It'll be posted as soon as that's done. Anyway, enjoy this part, and please let me know what you think! xxJoxx)  
  
PART 11-  
  
What did Mum say earlier?" Jess asked. She and Carter were sat and waiting for the appointment with Dr. Renolds. Harry had been sent to a friend's house, so they could get the best medication sorted out easily without having to worry about him.  
  
"We just talked," Carter answered, shrugging.  
  
"Yeah, but did she say anything about why she left? Or if she's coming back?" He sat in silence, looking down at his hands. "Oh my goodness Dad, it's really bad isn't it?"  
  
"Don't get all worked up about it," he told her gently. "She didn't day she was definitely leaving."  
  
"But she didn't say she was definitely staying either."  
  
"You're not making this easy for me Jessie."  
  
"I just want to know the truth," she whispered, fiddling with her hands in her lap. They sat in silence for a while, until Jess spoke again. "I wish she was here now."  
  
"Yeah, me too." She'd obviously decided not to come along, which seemed to him confirmation that she was planning on going for good. But he wasn't going to let her go that easily, he'd think of something. He also wasn't going to tell Jess that Abby had known about the meeting: it would break her heart to know her Mum hadn't come when she could.  
  
"Jessica Carter?" a short, blonde haired woman asked approaching them and interrupting Carter's thoughts. Jess nodded nervously. She wished she could see Dr. Brighton who she'd been assessed by originally, but as it was she had to cope with another stranger. "And you must be Dad," she said, turning to Carter. He nodded, and held out a hand which she shook.  
  
"John Carter."  
  
"I'm Dr. Renolds," she told them. Although, Carter noted, she seemed to be addressing Jess rather than him, a good sign as far as he could tell. "If you'd both like to follow me, then we can get started." He put his hand into Jess' reassuringly, before standing up and leading her after Dr. Renolds.  
  
*** "Excuse me," Abby said, pushing her way down the steps from the El. However much she loved the business of Chicago, at times she hated the squashing of the crowds. "Excuse me, I've got to get somewhere," she said more forcefully.  
  
"Hey, lady, so have the rest of us," a large, bulky man told her. Ignoring him, she continued to push her way forwards.  
  
"What the hell's going on?" she mused allowed. Several people shouted at her for trying to skip the queue, and she tried her best to ignore them and press on.  
  
"Someone's been hurt, I think," one person provided helpfully.  
  
"Hurt? How bad?" she asked, looking up at the man.  
  
"Don't ask me!" he shrugged, and turned back to his companion. Once again she started to push her way through the crowds, trying to get to the injured person.  
  
"Excuse me, I'm a nurse. Excuse me. Yes, I can help. I'm a nurse at County General. Excuse me, I need to get through." She eventually made it to the front of the crowd, where a woman was lying completely across the exit from the steps. She approached the policeman who was trying to stop the crowd from pushing forwards. "I'm a nurse," she told him, before approaching the woman. There was a boy stood next to her, who Abby turned to. "Is this your Mummy?" The boy nodded shyly. "Okay, can you tell me her name?"  
  
"I call her Mummy. My Daddy calls her Lisa though."  
  
"Okay. Lisa, can you hear me?"  
  
*** "Right Jessica, from the notes I have from Dr. Brighton, and my little talk with you, I think the best thing for you is going to be a course of valproate. In my experience that's far more effective than the traditional lithium, but if it doesn't quite do the trick we have that as a backup. Is that okay by you?" Jess turned to Carter.  
  
"Is that right, Dad?" she asked nervously.  
  
"I'm not a psychiatrist, sweetie, but it sounds right to me," he told her reassuringly. She turned back to Dr. Renolds and nodded.  
  
"Your reaction to the valproate will need to be monitored, so I suggest we meet every two weeks, just to check up on everything. I can alter your prescription, and we can just have a little talk about how you feel about everything."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"Get your Dad to book an appointment with the receptionist on your way out. She'll print out a prescription for you too." All three stood up, and Dr. Renolds shook hands with Carter, and smiled at Jess. "I'll see you in two weeks."  
  
*** "This is Lisa," Abby filled Chen in as they rushed through the ER to the trauma room. "Was pushed down the steps from the El: query head trauma, her stats are right down. GCS of 2-1-4."  
  
"Thanks Abby, we'll take it from here," she responded as the gurney was pushed into place. "Chuny, get me a CBC, chem-7 and arrange a CT." Abby stepped back out of the trauma room, and straight into the little boy.  
  
"Hello again," she said, bending down to his level. "I'm sorry, I never asked you your name!"  
  
"Connor. And I'm five," he said proudly, holding up five fingers.  
  
"Really? That's very big. I'm Abby."  
  
"Is my Mummy going to be okay?" he asked anxiously.  
  
"Dr. Chen is a very, very good doctor, and she's helping your Mummy at the moment."  
  
"So she's going to be okay?"  
  
"I don't know Connor, we'll have to wait and see." She took his hand and started to lead him to the admit desk. "Now, I have a very special friend here called Frank. How about you sit with him until we know what's going to happen to your Mummy?" He nodded, and she led him up to Frank and introduced them. "You make sure Frank behaves, Connor," she said, smiling at him as she walked away.  
  
She looked up at the clock and saw the time. Twenty to eight. She sighed, and turned to walk into the doctor's lounge. She might as well wait around and see what happened to Lisa, since she didn't have anything else to do.  
  
"You should still go, Abby?" Susan said from behind her.  
  
"What?" she swung around to face Susan.  
  
"You were going to go meet Carter and Jess at the meeting."  
  
"You don't know that!"  
  
"And you think it's too late. You might as well try Abby, I know you really want to go back to them."  
  
"I can't now, Susan. He'll already have thought I've given up on them," she said, sighing sadly.  
  
"He will not think that." She was determined that these two were going to live happily ever after, like they deserved. "Go, Abby."  
  
*** "Let's get you home, hey?" Carter said, taking Jess' hand and walking away from the reception desk. "We can go pick that rascal brother of yours up, and I'll ring for a pizza, how does that sound?"  
  
"Good," Jess replied quietly. They walked in silence until they were sitting in the jeep driving along.  
  
"You're being a bit quiet Jessie," he said, glancing across at her. Her eyes were shimmering with wet, and she was fiddling with her nails. "Don't cry sweetheart. Everything's going to be fine."  
  
"How can it be?" she asked, sniffing. "I have to take pills for the rest of my life, and my Mum's left. It can't get much worse."  
  
"They're always making advances in medicine. The treatment of bipolar disorder is very different today to what it was twenty years ago. It could change again. And Mum will come back, she just needs time."  
  
"You don't believe that, do you Dad?" she turned to look at him, trying to gauge his reaction. "You don't think she will come back, I can tell. I want her back Dad!"  
  
*** Abby ran into the reception area, her hair flying everywhere around her face. She skidded to a halt in front of the desk, and turned to the woman behind it. "Is there a man with two kids in one of the consultations?" she asked, breathless. "A girl and a boy, 12 and 7. Girl has long light brown hair, she normally ties it up in a ponytail."  
  
"There was a man and a girl of about 12, but no boy. Bloke was quite good looking, and."  
  
"Yes, that's them!" Abby interrupted. "Where are they?"  
  
"Well they left five minutes ago." Abby stared at her in disbelief. She'd missed it, she'd actually missed it. What was she supposed to do now? Go back to the hotel for the night? "Did you want something, miss?"  
  
"No, thank you," she said, as she began to walk away. She had a sudden urge to just give Jess a big hug, and tell her everything would be okay. But she couldn't do that, because she wasn't around her anymore. She'd never be able to hug her again, she realised. Or Harry, her sweet little boy. And John.she loved him so much, what would she do if she lost that?  
  
There was only one thing to do. She exited the psychiatric department and made her way back to the ER, to find a friend with a spare key.  
  
*** "They eat all the little boys?" Harry asked incredulously.  
  
"Yup, every single one!"  
  
"Even little Harry Carter boys?" he asked. Carter nodded. "What about Jessie?"  
  
"Nope," she said, looking up from her book. "I'm a girl, they don't like the taste of girls."  
  
"That's right," Carter said, smiling at her. "And do you know what they find especially yummy?" Harry shook his head. "Little boys of about 7 who don't go to bed when they're supposed to."  
  
"Really?" he asked, his eyes going wide. "Daddy, don't let them eat me!"  
  
"Well, there's not much I can do if they find you really tasty."  
  
"He won't sleep if you scare him like that," a voice interrupted from the doorway. Carter, Jess and Harry all turned to look at where the sound had come from. Harry's scared little face suddenly broke out in a massive grin. He leapt up off the sofa, and dove towards the door, all thoughts of little boy eating monsters gone from his head.  
  
"MUMMY!"  
  
*** 


	12. Chapter 12

PART TWELVE- Epilogue (3 years later)  
  
Abby Carter leant back against the sunbed, her long brown hair falling about her shoulders. The sun beat down pleasantly on her skin, and she sighed happily. She'd always loved the sea, ever since she was little, and the family holidays they took every year were the best way to see that sea.  
  
"Mum!" a shout came from the sea, and she looked towards the rolling waves. She saw a smiling face watching her, and a hand waving. She waved back, grinning at her family. Abby liked the times when the rest of the family went into the sea, and she was left looking after bags: it gave her a chance to think. This year she had some happier things to think about than the last few years. They'd been filled with worry and stress. Looking at her little family now, it was hard to believe.  
  
"Dad, no! No, put me down," Harry's voice carried across the wind towards her. She looked up to see her husband holding their ten-year-old son in mid air, ready to drop him in the sea. She laughed, seeing the big smile on Harry's face, despite the screams.  
  
Jess was creeping up behind them, a big grin on her face. Abby knew what she was about to do, and smiled, looking between Harry kicking in John's arms, and her daughter slowly advancing towards them. As she'd guessed, when Jess got close enough she reached out with both hands and pushed her father. He and Harry went crashing into the water, and Abby heard her daughter's sweet laugh drift through the air towards her. Harry and John soon resurfaced, and Jess started to move away from them, obviously aware of the consequences of her actions.  
  
"Jessica!" John called, before running towards her through the waves. A scream escaped her lips as she made her way towards the beach, and then towards Abby.  
  
"Mum, help me!" she cried, laughing between words, and hiding behind her mother's chair.  
  
Abby smiled to herself. It was times like this that she was reminded that their decision to have a family was the right one. Despite the risks they'd taken, and the problems they'd had to face, they'd done okay. She had two wonderful children, who she couldn't imagine a day without, and a gorgeous husband who she loved with all her heart. Jess may be bipolar but, to anyone who didn't know, she was a completely normal fifteen-year-old girl. Abby was eternally grateful that Jess took her meds, and looking at her now she couldn't imagine her being any other way. It didn't matter that she was bipolar, half the time it could be forgotten anyway.  
  
Abby suddenly realised the sun had gone in, and looked up to discover it was actually the shadow of her husband who was standing by her. She smiled at him, propping herself up on her elbows. "Enjoying yourself?" she asked.  
  
"Yup, but I'm been told that Mum had to go in the sea." He gave her a wicked grin, and then leant down and gathered her up in his arms.  
  
"John!" she shouted. "I thought you were coming for Jessie."  
  
"No, my love." He bent down and kissed her on the lips. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and returned the kiss deeply.  
  
"Mum! Dad! That's disgusting!" They broke apart at the sound of their son's voice, and laughed.  
  
"Don't look then!" John shouted back, and started back towards the sea.  
  
"John, put me down," she screamed, aware of the laughter from her children.  
  
He promptly granted her request, dropping her into the sea. When she resurfaced she turned, making her way towards him. "John, you idiot!" she cried, reaching for him.  
  
"I love you too, darling," he retorted, grinning.  
  
"Sometimes I wonder why I married you, Dr. Carter," she laughed, splashing water at him.  
  
"I seem to remember it was originally the fault of a smallpox scare, Mrs. Carter." Water splashed back at her.  
  
"And I seem to remember you said we were going to be okay." More water splashed between them. "I don't include being thrown in the sea as okay!" Seeing that Jess was back in the water, and Harry was by her side, she called out, "everyone gets Dad!" and joined her children in splashing large amounts of water at the man she'd love for always and forever.  
  
***The End***  
  
(well, that's it! I hope you've enjoyed reading this, I've enjoyed writing. Maybe I'll get started on another fic soon, but that requires thinking of an idea! lol! Anyway, thank you for reading, and thanks for all the great reviews the whole way through. :) xxJoxx) 


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